What did I do wrong? Or did I?

Pay no attention to Dickdomin, he's just being his usual demented, incoherent self. :) He's not only off his nut, he's also a few fries short of a McDonalds Happy Meal. :D

Blogginess of the post aside, I'm glad you had such a good time with Stewart and Davison. You should think about what it means to you in a larger sense, ask yourself why the encounter had such a sense of timelessness for you, and share your thoughts with Margaret on your next visit (tomorrow?) if you can. I'm interested to hear what Margaret has to say.

Regards and the occasional hijack,
Kevin T.
 
Pay no attention to Dickdomin, he's just being his usual demented, incoherent self. :) He's not only off his nut, he's also a few fries short of a McDonalds Happy Meal. :D

Blogginess of the post aside, I'm glad you had such a good time with Stewart and Davison. You should think about what it means to you in a larger sense, ask yourself why the encounter had such a sense of timelessness for you, and share your thoughts with Margaret on your next visit (tomorrow?) if you can. I'm interested to hear what Margaret has to say.

Regards and the occasional hijack,
Kevin T.

I am strictly buy four burgers keep one bun at de Mac

Does sound like Ray and Debbie is about to become three in the house.
Way to go Debbie kudos

Sorry my post are so hard to read. I use a lot of obscure references.

Have you read any of be here now?

His writing is a bit like mine but more stream of consciousness whereas I tend to just be all over the map.
 
Dickdomin, a small tangent is fine once in a while, but you are really derailing this thread. If you have something constructive and useful to add, please stay on topic, and remain civil and respectful. Thank you.


Debbie, if you want this thread moved to the Life Stories and Blogs section, please let me know (send me a Private Message) and tell me what title you would like for it. I'd be happy to move it for you. In the Blogs section, people can respond but are not allowed to challenge or get contentious with the blogger and you can have offending or useless posts removed from your blog thread.
 
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Debbie, if you want this thread moved to the Life Stories and Blogs section, please let me know (send me a Private Message) and tell me what title you would like for it. I'd be happy to move it for you. In the Blogs section, people can respond but are not allowed to challenge or get contentious with the blogger and you can have offending or useless posts removed from your blog thread.

To be honest, I like it when people are candid. And I appreciate humor.

I guess where I am having the most difficulty is knowing what is right to post where. If posting to a blog rather than to this thread is what is appropriate, then I can/will do that instead. I admit that I may not be up on thread or posting etiquette. And I apologize if what I have posted here has been wrong.

So much has been happening in my life, and I want to share it, but if sharing it in this thread has offended others, again I apologize. That was never my intent.

In my mind I would think that fewer people would see my blog, and I wanted more people to be able to be involved in my thread. So, I guess what I need is guidance on what to post where and when.

Until I get that guidance, I will limit my posting in this and other threads. And I will move some of my posts from this thread to my blog, when I have time.

I do thank all of you who have added to this thread. It was fun and enlightening.

Debbie
 
To be honest, I like it when people are candid. And I appreciate humor.

I guess where I am having the most difficulty is knowing what is right to post where. If posting to a blog rather than to this thread is what is appropriate, then I can/will do that instead. I admit that I may not be up on thread or posting etiquette. And I apologize if what I have posted here has been wrong.

So much has been happening in my life, and I want to share it, but if sharing it in this thread has offended others, again I apologize. That was never my intent.

It's not really about offending anyone, it's more that it's not relevant to the original topic and initial post in this thread. Believe it or not, this thread will likely help someone else down the road who is struggling with a similar situation to your initial post.

You can have banter on your blog, but you can also have post removed that disturb YOU. The blog is a great place for life updates. I think a moderator has to move your post for you at this point. I'd suggest a private message conversation with NYCindie to discuss this further.
 
Debbie,

What I understand goes something like this. A blog is a place where you can describe the events in your life, without needing advice or constructive criticism for what you are posting. However if there's something you do need advice on, that is more of the kind of thing that goes on the Relationship board.

I'm thinking your recent post sounded like a blog post because it was basically just saying, "Hey, some great things have happened," and going into a lot of detail and what's confusing is, people are not understanding what kind of advice you're looking for in that post. It seems like you're just wanting to share the joy which is just fine but is more of a blog topic. If you do want advice (and would welcome criticism) for a certain post, then perhaps you could add some specific questions that you'd like people to answer?

I don't know if that helps clear it up at all, and you have to take my input with a grain of salt because I am not a mod and do not always have a proper understanding of how things can/should work on the forum. I'm kind of offering up guesswork with respect to how you can know what to put in your blog versus a thread where you're looking for advice.

Re (from SNeacail):
"I'd suggest a private message conversation with nycindie to discuss this further."

That's probably a good idea.
 
:eek:.. And will someone tell Dickdomin we're supposed to be encouraging DebbieandRay to become *less* kinky?

We are? I think one of the purposes of these threads is to be as titillating as possible. After all, she has said this is not the only forum she posts on, and she does feel love through giving sex. I'd think the attention her erotic threads get on this and other forums and boards would work for that angle.

Imagine giving coffee to babies? They'd really never sleep then.

Some breastfed babies are bothered by caffeine the mother ingests, some aren't.
 
My take on the possible move

Life morphs and changes direction. Threads evolve and grow. I feel moving this thread will just confuse things and people who are following and posting might get lost.

I know the moderators now just sat up like a dog hearing "do you want a cookie"

But they not withstanding, I feel this feeling the need to rigid adherence to guideline (these BTW are not usually steel walled shutes) is making me feel that poly like BDSM trying to be So politically correct is more an expression of what I am surmising is either anal rentiveness or a desire to convert the religious right, which I believes falls under delusional.

Debbie seems to be happy where she is and parts of her original post do seem to from time to time reoccur. But then I am afraid I have both had, studied and done a minor bit of psychotherapy. Very little paint by numbers and staying inside the lines, though one does from time to time find oneself down a rabbit hole.

If anyone got lost during that

I vote keep it here.
 
Dickdom - just click on "New Posts" and you can follow anyone who has recently posted. Just for you, in case you get completely lost, here is a link to DebbieandRay's blog
 
Senior member

Dickdom - just click on "New Posts" and you can follow anyone who has recently posted. Just for you, in case you get completely lost, here is a link to DebbieandRay's blog

It is so kind of you to take an old geezer by the hand and lead him across the street

Your avatar has just made the nicest back rest for my iPad. I guess this is why you are designated "senior member"

Thank you again for your assistance.
 
Re (from Magdlyn):
"I think one of the purposes of these threads is to be as titillating as possible."

Hmmm, good point ...

Re:
"After all, she has said this is not the only forum she posts on, and she does feel love through giving sex. I'd think the attention her erotic threads get on this and other forums and boards would work for that angle."

Okay lightbulb ... wrapping my mind around it ... I think I see what you mean ...

Anyway since I am not in charge, I won't invest too much opinion about what should be posted here or there. Actually I think my main concern should be behaving myself; I've gotten a leedle carried away lately and haven't adhered to the guidelines as I should. In other words, do as I say, not as I do ...

@ Debbie ... I am willing to work with you whatever you post and wherever you post it. My only advice in that regard is to read the guidelines and get guidance from the mods. (Do as I say ...)

No I've read the guidelines, at least once and possibly a couple of times. So I can't claim ignorance.
 
The blogs here are simply spaces designated for members to be able to share about their lives in a manner like a journal. They can ask for advice, report what's been going on, or write just to work out whatever is in their heads. The blogs are more "protected" than other types of threads because the individual who starts a blog thread can have anyone else's posts removed from it if they object to the content for any reason.

Dickdomin, you don't get a vote on whether or not any thread other than your own is moved to the Blogs section. It's up to the OP. And the blogs get plenty of attention, don't worry.

Debbie, you haven't done anything wrong. This thread seems to have become a journal for you, more than a thread asking for advice or discussing a general topic, so that is why moving it to the Blogs section seems more appropriate. You can still ask for feedback and advice in a blog thread. If you already have a blog thread here, I can even merge this one with that, if you like.
 
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Senior moment

Dickdomin, you don't get a vote on .

I was looking for a different word, but was having a senior moment. Barbie and by that. I mean Malibu Barbie, told me these are just like Blonde Moments, so I'm going to see if my bust line is getting larger.

So sorry for my vocabularic blunder. My hands are up in surrender, well they would be if. I was not typing, but please imagine, of "see" (psychically) my hands raised in surrender.
 
Tit titten titallating

We are? I think one of the purposes of these threads is to be as titillating as possible.

For fear of being shot with NYcyndie having me in her laser sights

Does anyone know the origin of the word titillating?

I know that titten comes from German and find myself wonder, Mr Switzerland?

And NYcyndie, could you please ask Debbie before you pull that trigger?

I was born in NYC, so have met plenty of tough chicks from there and adore then too. So I mean no disrespect.


Oh yes I find the caffeine in breast milk smooths out the caffeine jitters. I think I might switch from bovine to breast and see if that improve my coffee experience.
 
The blogs here are simply spaces designated for members to be able to share about their lives in a manner like a journal. They can ask for advice, report what's been going on, or write just to work out whatever is in their heads. The blogs are more "protected" than other types of threads because the individual who starts a blog thread can have anyone else's posts removed from it if they object to the content for any reason.


Debbie, you haven't done anything wrong. This thread seems to have become a journal for you, more than a thread asking for advice or discussing a general topic, so that is why moving it to the Blogs section seems more appropriate. You can still ask for feedback and advice in a blog thread. If you already have a blog thread here, I can even merge this one with that, if you like.


I thank you. Maybe some of my long post can/should be moved to my blog, but with this post I am asking for help.

Ray and I went to see our therapist again today. Margaret, our therapist, asked me and Ray how our week had been. I told Margaret about me and Scott and about me and Tom and about me and Stewart and Davison, and about Davison spending the night on Wednesday night. I also told Margaret about my daughter and Ray's son visiting me earlier in the day.

What I told Margaret about visiting with my daughter and Ray's son, David, was that I had been having a magical week . . . until my daughter and Ray's son showed up.

My daughter asked me about having Davison spend the night and how it was. I told her that it was magical. My daughter said, "Much better than with Ray, I bet." I told my daughter that sex and being with Davison was just different than with Ray. My daughter responded saying, "Well at least Davison is a man." David, Ray's son, chimed in, "God, I never want to be like my dad. He is such a pussy. Every time I see him I just want to punch him in the mouth."
I was caught off guard.

My daughter told me that she didn't blame me for having all the men I have, and as often as I do. She told me that if Ray was her husband that she would be doing the same thing. David added, "That's why my mom always fucked other guys, because my dad wasn't enough man for her, or any woman for that matter." David told me that he remembered the first time he saw Ray with another man. He said he was disgusted and never had any respect for Ray after that.

David told me that first time he saw Ray with another man that Ray was on his back, legs lifted high in the air and screaming and moaning and crying like a little girl. David said that his mom was down stairs with a lover, and he (David) was supposed to be spending the night at a friend's house. David said that he had come home to get something and the door to the spare bedroom was open, and Ray and his lover were just going at it.

My daughter asked me why I married Ray and I told her that I loved and still love Ray. My daughter brought up that David's cock is three times bigger than Ray's is. I agreed. We have a hot tub and I have seen David naked before. And so has my daughter. My daughter and Ray's son have been off and on lovers for some time now.

David then asked me if I knew that Ray wasn't his biological father. I told him that I knew. David said he was glad that Ray wasn't his biological father. I asked David how he knew and he told me that his mother, Ray's ex, had told him years ago. David told me that his mom, Ray's ex, had told him that early in their marriage that she had trouble getting pregnant and Ray had gotten tested and found out that he was sterile. I told David that I was aware of that fact.

My daughter asked me how often Ray and I have intercourse. I told my daughter that Ray and I make love quite often. My daughter grinned out of the side of her mouth and told me that Ray had told her that he preferred to watch me with other men or massage me instead of have intercourse with me. I told my daughter that was true.

David asked me then if Ray still cross dressed. I told David that Ray hadn't since we'd been together. David asked me if I knew that Ray used to cross dress a lot. I reminded David that the first time I met Ray he was wearing a skirt. David asked me how humiliating I thought it would be to have a dad who cross dressed. I told him I didn't know. David said it was hell.

David told me that he hated seeing his dad wearing panties, and not even showing a bulge. David said that there were too many times when he caught Ray at the computer masturbating to gay or cuckold porn. David then asked me if I knew about Christy. I told David that I knew about her.

Sixteen years ago, Ray and his ex had separated. T had left Ray and Ray moved in with an eighteen year old girl. Christy was the daughter of one of Ray's mom's friends. Christy was not only eighteen, she was 5'7" tall, weighted 115 pounds and had long blonde hair. Ray moved in with Christy, and Christy had the hots for Ray. Christy was eighteen and Ray was thirty-five. Ray was in a good position. Yet, Ray was still Ray.

David told me that when he spent weekends with Ray and Christy that he had a lot of fun because Christy was very energetic, and she was a hottie. David told me that Ray had it made. He was living with a hot eighteen year old who actually liked him. Christy always dressed sexy and Christy had her own place. David told me that he lost a lot of respect for Ray when he stayed over and Ray let Christy have other men.

Ray said that when he stayed the weekends with Ray and Christy that when Christy had guys over that he and Ray would go out and play Frisbee or hacky sack. David told me that he was old enough to know what was going on. And David told me he even asked Ray why he let Christy have other men when she was so hot. David said that Ray would tell him that Christy is hot and deserves the best.

David told me that Ray and T talked to him as if he was an adult. David told me that his mom had told him, when she and Ray were separated, that she never enjoyed sex with Ray, and that Ray was too small for her. T had also told David that neither he or his sister were Ray's, biologically. David told me that because Ray was a cross dresser, and was gay, that he wasn't surprised by anything that his mom told him.

David asked me if it was true that I got gang banged on my honeymoon, after marrying Ray. I told David that was true. David then asked me if it was true that Roy and I had sex just before I walked the isle to marry Ray. I told David that was also true. David told me that he thought so, because I smelled like sex at the wedding.

My daughter stepped in and told David that she thought that me and Roy having sex before I married Ray was only fitting, since I had known Roy for so long, and Roy was my best friend. My daughter asked me if I knew that she and Roy had had sex, more than a few times. I told her that I had suspected it. David asked my daughter how many times she's had sex with Roy, and she told him that she'd had him maybe ten times.

David shook his head and said that my daughter having sex with Roy was better than if she'd had sex with Ray. My daughter broke out in laughter. She told David that she would have to be desperate as hell to have sex with someone like Ray. I told my daughter and David that Ray is a wonderful man, and he is a good provider. David interjected, saying, "Just not in bed."

I told both my daughter and David that I loved Ray. I told them both that Ray may be gay, and he may have a little penis, and he may like wearing girls panties, and he may be girly, but I love him. David asked me if I loved Davison. I told David that I did. David then asked if we were going to have Davison move in with us. I told David that I hoped so. David said, "If Davison does move in with you guys, at least you'll have a man around the house." David then added, "Kind of like when Antonio lived with you."

My daughter said that Antonio was sexy and asked me what Davison was like. I told my daughter that Davison is black,tall, masculine and probably the best lover I have ever had. My daughter asked me if I was still seeing Scott and Tom. I told her that I was. My daughter then asked if Ray and I still had "church" on Sunday mornings, and I told her yes. My daughter told David that she felt that Ray allowing me to be with other men was his way of making up for his inadequacies.

David stood up and told my daughter that Ray is a fag, and that was it. David told my daughter that he had too many times saw Ray looking through the bedroom window, masturbating, when T had other men to the house. David told my daughter that Ray used to work at a gay spa on the weekends, after Ray and T broke up the last time.

David told my daughter that he had invited Ray to a party that he had gone to about nine years ago. It was a pagan/BDSM party. David is heavy into BDSM, and he is a DOM. David told my daughter that at the party there was a room upstairs where people could go and have sex. He had gone to the up stairs room with a couple and the room was dark. He said that he could hear a woman moaning and could almost see this woman with two men.

David said that was normal at those kind of parties, but what he also heard wasn't. David told my daughter that he could also make out two other figures.
He thought it was another couple, but it turned out to be Ray and another man, and Ray was orally pleasing this other man.

(To be continued)
 
(Conitued)


David told my daughter that he could hear the two men and the woman, especially the woman, and that he also heard the other man telling Ray that he was going to cum. And a couple minutes later, David heard Ray thanking the other man.

David told my daughter that the woman the other men were with was a woman that most of the men at the party had been with at one time or another, and she was not only easy, she was also very good looking and had a great body. David shook his head and added, "And there was my dad sucking off another guy."

David told me that he hated Ray and he hated even looking at Ray. David said that was why he got into BDSM, because in that community men were men.

David went on to say that when he was growing up that Ray and T used to hang out at this poly quad's house, and there was a lot of sex parties that happened there. David said that he got to see T with several other men throughout his growing up years, and he also got to see Ray masturbating and watching.

David told us that when they used to go to the parties that he would over hear other people talk about Ray, and how small his cock was, and how much of a fag he was. David told us that it was hard to hear that about Ray, even though he knew it was true.

David said that he remembered one time when a woman did approach Ray for sex. David told us that the woman had come on to Ray and Ray had told her that he appreciated the offer, but that he had a small penis and that she wouldn't be able to feel him anyway. David told us that the woman had seen Ray naked and knew he had a small cock, but she was willing to have sex with him . . . and he turned her down. David told us that he saw that same woman with five other men that night. And he had no respect for Ray.


David asked me if I knew that Ray had at one time considered getting a sex change. I told David that Ray had told me that. My daughter said that it wouldn't be much of a change. She added that Ray is almost a girl as it is. I found myself agreeing with her. That's when I realized how I really saw Ray, as a girl. I have accepted Ray for who he is, but he is a girl. He just has a "man's" body.

I found myself thinking about Davison. I thought about the first time with him, and about him spending the night Wednesday night, and how good he made me feel, and how good I felt when I was with him. My daughter noticed I had kind of spaced out for a minute and asked if I was thinking about Davison, and I said yes. My daughter said, "Good for you."

David asked me where Ray was when Davison had spent the night. I told David that Ray and me and Davison had shared mine and Ray's bed. David asked me if Ray had wanted to, or had tried, to be involved in any way. I told David that Ray is more of a voyeur. David nodded and said he knew that. My daughter told David that Davison is a better lover. So, it was only fitting. That is her favorite phrase, "It's only fitting."

David said that if Davison does move in with us that it would probably be best because I would have a man in my life, on a regular basis, and Ray would be able to get his rocks off by watching. I told David that I liked that Ray liked to watch, and I also liked pleasing Ray by having sex with other men. David told me that the reason his mom had sex with other men was because Ray was a fag and he had a small cock and he never was able to please T, sexually.

I told David that what I love most about Ray is that he isn't like other men. Before I could say anything else, David said, "No shit." I told David that Ray massaged me, often. And that Ray loved me enough to share me. I told David that Ray is a special man to me, even though he is girly. I told David that Ray does piss me off at times because he is so girly, but I love him anyway.

David asked me if I knew what it was like to be 13 years old and having to explain to friends why his dad had a dick collection, that he had to display in the living room? I told him no. David told me that all of his friends made fun of Ray, his whole life. And that made it hard to love or care about Ray, because what his friends said about Ray was true.

David said that when he was growing up that Ray and T had separate bedrooms. And that Ray had pictures on the wall, in his bedroom, of men's cocks. David said that one of his friends had looked into Ray's bedroom, because it was right next to the bathroom, and had asked later who's bedroom had all the cock pics in it. David said he told his friend that it was Ray's room, and his friend told him that he would beat his dad if he found out he was a fag. David told us that he told his friend that he had thought about it many times.

When we went to see Margaret yesterday, I told her about all of this. Margaret asked Ray how all of what I had said made him feel. Ray said that he knew that David hated him for who he was, and that he had apologized to David time and again for being who and how he was.

I told Margaret that David had told me that was the one thing that David hated most about Ray, that he apologized for living and breathing, and for eating or not eating. Margaret asked Ray why he felt he had to apologize for so much so often. Ray told Margaret that he felt ashamed at times for not being what everyone thinks he should be, or not be.

Ray told Margaret that he knows he has a small cock and that women are not attracted to him. Ray also admitted that he enjoys sex with men more than he ever has with women. Margaret asked Ray why he liked sex with men more than he did with women. Ray told Margaret that when he has sex with men, he can be a woman. He said that when he has sex with men that he is a bottom and the men are men. Ray told Margaret that he likes feeling like a woman, feminine.

Margaret asked Ray what it felt like to feel feminine. Ray told Margaret that when a man held him and kissed him that made him feel girly. Ray said that he likes when men take charge and take him. Ray told Margaret that the last time he had sex with a guy that the guy had bought wine and they had drank a bit and then the guy went down on Ray and kissed him and romanced him, and then made love to him.

Ray explained to Margaret that when he had sex with men that he felt alive, wanted, loved and like a girl, feminine. Ray told Margaret that when he has sex with men that he feels more himself than at any other time. Margaret asked me how knowing this made me feel. I told Margaret that was how Davison made me feel. I told Margaret that Davison made me feel alive as well. I told Margaret that she had told us to live in the moment and that with Scott's and Tom's and Stewart's help I was able to do that completely with. and even after I had been with, Davison.

Margaret asked Ray how it made him feel to know that Davison makes me feel the way that other men make him feel. Ray told Margaret that's what he liked most about me being with other men, especially Davison, and men like him. Ray told Margaret that he lives vicariously through me when I have sex with other men. Margaret asked me how that made me feel. I told her that it helped knowing that when I had sex with other men that it was pleasing Ray as much as the men pleased me.

Margaret asked Ray if other men intimidated him. Ray told Margaret that he sometimes felt intimidated, and often inadequate around other men. Margaret asked Ray how that made him feel. Ray told Margaret that he knew that other men were better lovers and were born to have sex. Ray told Margaret that he found women attractive, but he found other men's cocks more attractive. Margaret asked Ray if he found men or just their cocks attractive. Ray admitted that he is not often attracted to men, themselves, but often wanted to know what their cocks looked like.

Margaret asked Ray if he considered himself to be gay. Ray told Margaret that he is not attracted to men, he just enjoys sex with them. Ray told Margaret that he considers himself to be bi.

Margaret then asked Ray if he ever gets depressed. Ray answered saying that he does get depressed. Ray told Margaret that he often feels that he is not worthy of love and that even when I tell him that I love him that he has a hard time believing it. Ray told Margaret that he used to think about killing himself, often, when he was with T. Margaret asked Ray if he had ever attempted suicide and he said that he had.

Margaret asked Ray what had happened. Ray told Margaret that he just woke up that one day and decided that was what he was going to do. After work Ray had taped a garden hose to his muffler and put the other end through a window and had taped it up and had put on a Pink Floyd tape and had just sat there and waited. Ray told Margaret that the only reason he wasn't successful was because a co-worker had called 911 on him. Ray told Margaret that the only reason this guy saved his life was because he hated him, and had told him afterward that if he had to live in this world that he wasn't letting Ray get out of it.

Margaret asked Ray if he's tried again since then. Ray said no. Margaret asked why. Ray told her that he had made a promise to his mom. Margaret asked me how knowing that Ray had attempted suicide made me feel. I told her that I was afraid most days that I would do something that would make Ray try again.

(Sorry, but there is a part 3 to this)
 
(Part 3)


Margaret asked Ray when the last time was that Ray did something just for him. Ray said he wasn't sure. Margaret asked Ray what activity made him the happiest wen he was doing it. Ray thought for a moment then told Margaret that what he liked to do most, and what made him happiest, was making me happy.

Margaret asked Ray if he thought that him not wanting sex with me made me happy. Ray admitted that he knew it didn't make me happy that he preferred sex with other men, but he also knew that I loved having sex with other men, men like Davison. Margaret asked me who I preferred to have sex with, Ray or Davison. I looked at Ray and then back at Margaret. I told Margaret that sex with Davison wasn't just sex, it was magical, on all levels.

Margaret asked Ray what was going through his mind the entire night when Davison stayed the night. Ray told Margaret that all he could think about was how big Davison's cock was and how good Davison and I looked when we made love. Ray told Margaret that when he saw me lose myself and give myself completely to Davison that he couldn't remember feeling as good as he did at that moment, except for that one romantic night he'd spent with that one guy.

Ray told Margaret that he loved seeing me lose myself and go into a trance like state and just become Davison's woman. Ray told Margaret that he loved seeing Davison take me and use me the way he did. Ray told Margaret that he loved that I let Davison do anything he wanted to with me. I told Ray that he had the same right and opportunity. And that I wished that he would do to me things that Davison does.

Margaret asked Ray if he could ever do to me things that Davison does and has. Ray shook his head and said no. Margaret asked Ray why not, and Ray told her that other men do that, and that is what other men are for. Margaret asked Ray if he knew that I wanted him to be more like other men, and he said yes. Margaret asked Ray how he thought it made me feel when I want him to be like other men and he won't. Ray shook his head and told her hat he knew that it made me feel unwanted and not feminine.

Margaret then told me that she felt that Ray may be suffering from depression. I told Margaret that I knew that he might be, but it wasn't severe. Ray told Margaret that he felt depressed a lot, but that he didn't feel that he suffered depression. Margaret told us that depression is common, and that it is a disease. Margaret told Ray that she would like to see him, one on one. I asked Margaret what I was supposed to do in the mean time. Margaret told me that I needed to be more in tune with Ray's feelings.

Margaret got Ray to commit to meeting her every Monday going forward. And she told both of us to continue to live in the moment. I asked Margaret what I had done wrong. Margaret told me that I hadn't done anything wrong, and that she didn't feel that having Davison around was a bad thing, either. Margaret did say that if we decided to let Davison move in with us that she would like him to attend our sessions. I told Margaret that we would have to see.
So . . . Now we have been told that Ray is suffering depression, and Ray has admitted to being depressed, and Margaret didn't say for me not to continue seeing Davison or any other men. What the hell am I to make of this?

On the ride home from our session Ray told me that he is okay with Davison moving in with us, and I told him I wanted Davison to move in. Ray had me call Davison and Davison spent the night again last night. He didn't come over until late last night, but at least he did. And he accepted our offer and will be moving in with us over the weekend.

When Davison and Ray left this morning I felt confused. I loved having Davison again, for the entire night, but I wondered if having Davison live with us was going to make Ray more depressed. The thing is that I think I really love Davison, and I want him in my life, full time. I still love Ray as much as I ever have, but I think that having Davison live with us will make both me and ray happier.

I need other people's thoughts on all of this. A lot has happened in a very short amount of time. And I am not sure how to feel about any of this.
 
Why the Fuck are you sharing details of your sex life with the kids? I'm thinking the kids need to be in therapy too and get over this rampant homophobia. No shit Ray is depressed, even his kids have been taught that no man has any worth unless they fit into a specific small little box. Poor Ray has been screaming out for someone to accept him his entire adult life and everyone around him can only tell him how much they wish he was different and how disgusting he is.

STOP discussing Ray's penis with anyone that will listen. You say you love him, but somehow go out of your way to mention how small his penis is and how big your other men are every chance you get. This is NOT loving behavior. It's belittling and cruel, as is being willing to listen to others follow your example.
 
I think the point here is that Ray has a great need to feel loved for who he is -- and that it is very hard for him to feel loved.

Re (from Dickdomin):
"Does anyone know the origin of the word titillating?"

Wiktionary sez:
"From Latin titillo ('tickle')."

@ Debbie ... sounds like your daughter and Ray's son are not very supportive of you, or of your relationship with Ray.

Re (from DebbieandRay):
"Now we have been told that Ray is suffering depression, and Ray has admitted to being depressed, and Margaret didn't say for me not to continue seeing Davison or any other men. *What the hell am I to make of this?*"

I don't see any writing between the lines, I think Margaret is playing straight with you. If anything, she is saying that she thinks Ray's depression is a separate issue from the cuckolding. And that she wants to investigate Ray's depression more closely.

I mean to me it sounds like Ray has had a lifetime of people telling him he is disgusting and no good because he is girly and "a fag." He has had people beat him up, and he has had people (even his own son) want to beat him up. I would think that kind of history would depress anybody. Ray probably needs some improved self-esteem.

Re:
"I wondered if having Davison live with us was going to make Ray more depressed."

Personally I don't think so. I don't think Ray's depression stems from the cuckolding. If anything, the cuckolding is actually something that gives Ray some relief from the depression. He loves the cuckolding. It makes him happy.

Those are just some of my initial thoughts. I will share more thoughts later as they come into my mind.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
I agree that your sex life isn't something you should talk to children about, unless they are adults and even then I personally wouldn't cross that boundary.
 
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