Spin-Off-Thread: Oral Sex

[TRENNER]

I love going down on a woman, but my wife only occasionally wants this. The other women I have been involved with also had mixed feelings about receiving. I myself would go down on a lady pretty much every time I have sex with her! I meanwhile don't mind getting a blow job, but I greatly prefer being inside a woman's vagina than in her mouth.

 

[SenatorBinks27]

So giving oral is one of my favorite things to do. I genuinely enjoy the flavor of most women, and I feel like I'm making up for a culture that frowns upon it. That said, a lot of my partners in the past have asked me to wash my face between giving and kissing them, which while completely understandable does break up the flow of sexytimes a bit and discourages me from offering as much as I normally would. On top of that, while recieving oral has never been that big a deal for me, the fact that to date no one has ever given it to me long enough for me to climax has kinda stuck with me lately as a "it's not fair I've never experienced this yet" feeling.

 

[TRENNER]

So giving oral is one of my favorite things to do. I genuinely enjoy the flavor of most women, and I feel like I'm making up for a culture that frowns upon it.

I definitely wish women were less self-conscious about it and could just think of their vaginas like an ice cream cone being licked and enjoyed. Pussy is yummy!!!!

On top of that, while recieving oral has never been that big a deal for me, the fact that to date no one has ever given it to me long enough for me to climax has kinda stuck with me lately as a "it's not fair I've never experienced this yet" feeling.

Sorry to hear that. I hope that changes for you. It would be say a nice birthday gift from a woman in your life.

 

[Vicki82]

On top of that, while recieving oral has never been that big a deal for me, the fact that to date no one has ever given it to me long enough for me to climax has kinda stuck with me lately as a "it's not fair I've never experienced this yet" feeling.

I am sure you don't mean it this way but I found your word choice a little squicky. You can always ask your partner... but no one owes you [insert sexual act here]. So saying it's not fair sounds like you feel like you're entitled to receive said act, and I find that a little gross.

 

[SenatorBinks27]

I am sure you don't mean it this way but I found your word choice a little squicky. You can always ask your partner... but no one owes you [insert sexual act here]. So saying it's not fair sounds like you feel like you're entitled to receive said act, and I find that a little gross.

Oh absolutely not what I meant nor my intent to imply whatsoever. I agree anyone who feels owed or entitled to sex acts is utterly disgusting. While I do think humanity deserves a good time in a general free love "the world would be a better place if we could all enjoy each other without societal hangups" kind of way, NOBODY is EVER entitled to any kind of intimacy from anyone.

Enthusiastic mutual consent is one of my big requirements, and I would never ever want anyone to do anything with me that they didn't want to. This has been my mindset even before I experienced the other side of that - I've been in situations where I was pressured, and where I did not give consent and I was ignored, and then put down for speaking up. Not a pleasant time. I'm actually legit nauseous reading that and utterly embarrassed that my words could have led anyone to think I felt differently.

Let me try to explain myself a little better here. In this society, for better or worse (in fact I would argue for worse because societal norms for sexual relationships are still totally fucked up and we should be working as hard as many of us are to change that), climaxing from fellatio is seen as a fairly common experience for sexually active people. And the fact that I have not yet experienced it in 33 years of life, 20 years of being physically capable of sex, and 12 years of being sexually active, sometimes makes me feel sad and inadiquate.

I want to stress that I am aware this feeling is completely illogical and is evidence of deep-seated societal conditioning (or is it "deep-seeded"? Don't remember if I've ever seen that phrase written), the kind of which that should be combated and changed. So as much as I still hope to have that experience someday, I'll gladly live my whole life without it if it means no partner of mine ever felt coerced or required to do anything with me they don't want to. This is the most important thing to me when it comes to any kind of intimate relationship.

 

[Magdlyn]

"Deep seated," although you are talking about ejaculating. lol

 

[SenatorBinks27]

"Deep seated," although you are talking about ejaculating. lol

Well, sometimes being deep-seated is the best way to get deep-seeded

In all seriousness, both make logical sense in the context of the phrase's meaning. Thank you for clearing it up for me.

 

[Evie]

I was the first to suck a 35 y/o to orgasm. Don't give up hope lol. (Before anyone claims he was lying, stop, don't).

In saying that, I've only been able to do that for My First Sir once (and never again). Sometimes, it's guys holding back, even subconsciously. And some just never will no matter the technique.

I keep reminding myself that you guys largely have a different culture to the one I grew up in. The numbers thread brings me back to your reality.

 

[vinsanity0]

I was the first to suck a 35 y/o to orgasm. Don't give up hope lol. (Before anyone claims he was lying, stop, don't).

In saying that, I've only been able to do that for My First Sir once (and never again). Sometimes, it's guys holding back, even subconsciously. And some just never will no matter the technique.

I keep reminding myself that you guys largely have a different culture to the one I grew up in. The numbers thread brings me back to your reality.

I assume you mean his first and not THE first...lol

I've found that most people don't want to put in the effort. It does seem a little one-sided and I have never expected it....except in certain circumstances.

What I'm curious about is how you perceive our cultures to be different.

 

[MsEmotional]

I find fellatio to be really stressful. I have only been able to give oral sex to a man long enough to make him orgasm twice in my life. The first time we were both in our twenties and it was super exciting when it happened because it was unexpected. Since then, fellatio has always been more of a fun novelty — one of many possible acts that can happen during sexual activity and not something to keep doing all the way until orgasm. It gets painful and I gag if I am doing it for too long. The only other time that I have made a man cum from fellatio, I felt kind of awful towards the end but I was desperate to please him. It feels good when it is finally over.....kind of in the way that you feel good after a workout — it’s an accomplishment to be done, but it was hard work to get there.

When it comes to receiving oral, I have mixed experiences. I will cum over and over it is done the way I like it...but if it isn’t then it is awful. And even when it does feel good and I cum a lot, I start feeling really self conscious and ask to switch to something else. It just feels so one-sided.

If I lived in a world without oral sex, I would be fine with it. But we don’t live in such a world and so I try to offer it and receive it graciously.

 

[FallenAngelina]

What I'm curious about is how you perceive our cultures to be different.

I'm curious, too. There are 50 of the United States and the total population is 327 million. That's an awful lot of cultures right there. There's no one American sexuality culture (if Evie was referring to that.) There's not even 2 or 3 or 16. There is a lot of variation in attitudes in this country.

 

[Evie]

I assume you mean his first and not THE first...lol

Haha, yeah, my grammar's failing this weekend, I'm a little shattered.

As for cultural differences, I'm referring to the common things I see on the message boards I frequent, which is largely here right now but a handful of other places over the years, and the occasional news media story or something trending on Twitter.

Yes, I understand your national diversity, we have that, too, remarkably so for a small nation. But it does seem from my perspective that there is a lot more likelihood that you'll find someone in the States with fewer than ten, or even five, intercourse partners in their life than you will here.

There also seems that there's a lot more use of the word "slut" over there, too, even in reclamation of the term. I get the impression that there's still abstinence based sex ed in your schools, too, which we don't have, and didn't even when I was at school. Even when I was going to Christian camps as a young teen, the message was "keep that special thing for your special person you'll marry" rather than any negative message about sluts and brimstone. And the message we got definitely wasn't targeted just at girls.

Of course, our current teenagers are experiencing quite a different culture to what I did - and a lot of it more negative - but for my generation/my friends and peers, we just didn't have a lot of hang ups about the variety of sex and sexual partners that still seems frowned upon broadly in the States from an outsiders perspective.

 

[TRENNER]

As for cultural differences....

Yes, I understand your national diversity, we have that, too, remarkably so for a small nation. But it does seem from my perspective that there is a lot more likelihood that you'll find someone in the States with fewer than ten, or even five, intercourse partners in their life than you will here.

BTW, where are you from? I didn't see this listed on your profile.

Yes, America is a large diverse place---but people still get laid! IMO, differences in sexual and relationship histories are more often due to personality variations than cultural here (although you do have significant religious minorities and traditional immigrant communities). For instance, I grew up in liberal NYC. However, I'm naturally shy and historically I have bonded best with women who are conservative stylistically. The result is I've had a below average number of partners. If I was more outgoing and/or connected better with less inhibited women, my number would have been significantly higher.

BTW, this fact about me also could make polyamory an idea I very much like, but not too practicable a choice for me.

 

[Evie]

Of course there's still a lot of getting laid going on, but surveys by those such as Durex (easy to Google and choose your preferred trusted source) show that our (New Zealand's) promiscuity is significantly higher than the USA. Yes, I recognise that respondents to such surveys are voluntarily self selected so there are clearly sampling issues for true statistical purposes.

I'm not claiming that bigger numbers mean a better sex life, but I do think it's a reflection of general social attitudes towards sex.

 

[vinsanity0]

Haha, yeah, my grammar's failing this weekend, I'm a little shattered.

As for cultural differences, I'm referring to the common things I see on the message boards I frequent, which is largely here right now but a handful of other places over the years, and the occasional news media story or something trending on Twitter.

Yes, I understand your national diversity, we have that, too, remarkably so for a small nation. But it does seem from my perspective that there is a lot more likelihood that you'll find someone in the States with fewer than ten, or even five, intercourse partners in their life than you will here.

There also seems that there's a lot more use of the word "slut" over there, too, even in reclamation of the term. I get the impression that there's still abstinence based sex ed in your schools, too, which we don't have, and didn't even when I was at school. Even when I was going to Christian camps as a young teen, the message was "keep that special thing for your special person you'll marry" rather than any negative message about sluts and brimstone. And the message we got definitely wasn't targeted just at girls.

Of course, our current teenagers are experiencing quite a different culture to what I did - and a lot of it more negative - but for my generation/my friends and peers, we just didn't have a lot of hang ups about the variety of sex and sexual partners that still seems frowned upon broadly in the States from an outsiders perspective.

Ah, okay. Actually, I was a little surprised at how many people had so few sex partners. Even though I was raised as a Catholic, I grew up during the "sexual revolution" of the 60's and 70's. Luckily the Catholicism didn't take. My nonscientific observation on OKC makes it seem like it's all or nothing here.

 

[TRENNER]

…. surveys by those such as Durex (easy to Google and choose your preferred trusted source) show that our (New Zealand's) promiscuity is significantly higher than the USA

I'm not claiming that bigger numbers mean a better sex life, but I do think it's a reflection of general social attitudes towards sex.

You New Zealanders do have quite the international reputation!

Here's another survey of New Zealanders though showing a lot of individual variation. So, yes, culture can matter somewhat, but so does individual personality:

https://www.zmonline.com/the-latest...alanders-have-in-their-lifetime-we-found-out/

I copied the article below but unfortunately the most important part, the graph with the numbers did not come through.


How many sexual partners do New Zealanders have in their lifetime? We found out
Publish Date
Thursday, 31 May 2018, 1:49PM
Photo: Getty Images
"So... what's your number?" is the worst question to hear from someone you've just started dating, especially when you know they're not asking for your mobile digits.
You don't want to go too high, but you also don't want to go too low...?

via GIPHY
A study taken in the US and Europe by superdrug.com found that the average amount of sexual partners men have had is 6, and women are sitting slightly higher on 7.
But back in Kiwi land, we seem to be more sexually promiscuous.
We put the question to New Zealanders and the got the below results:

Of over 5200 people that answered, the highest percentage (22%) answered with 15+ sexual partners.
The second highest answer was quite the contrast, with 19% of Kiwis saying they've had 1-2 sexual partners.
These results, of course, weren't scientific, and as many people will have more sexual encounters in their lifetime prior to answering this poll, the results could easily fluctuate.
We reckon no matter the number, you just do you!

 

[FallenAngelina]

I get the impression that there's still abstinence based sex ed in your schools, too, which we don't have, and didn't even when I was at school.

Public schools in the US have never taught abstinence based sex education. That would be a private religious school thing, if sex ed were taught at all. The whole point of the push for sex education in the public school is to learn about sexuality and birth control methods other than abstinence. Abstinence might be mentioned as an option but the curriculum won't be abstinence based.

91% of students in the US go to public schools.

 

[Magdlyn]

Public schools in the US have never taught abstinence based sex education. That would be a private religious school thing, if sex ed were taught at all. The whole point of the push for sex education in the public school is to learn about sexuality and birth control methods other than abstinence. Abstinence might be mentioned as an option but the curriculum won't be abstinence based.

Not correct.

11 states only require abstinence based sex ed.
9 states do not require sex ed at all.

Of course, these states have the highest teen birth rates in the nation.

https://www.thoughtco.com/abstinence-only-sex-education-3533767

 

[Vicki82]

Public schools in the US have never taught abstinence based sex education. That would be a private religious school thing, if sex ed were taught at all. The whole point of the push for sex education in the public school is to learn about sexuality and birth control methods other than abstinence. Abstinence might be mentioned as an option but the curriculum won't be abstinence based.

91% of students in the US go to public schools.

Yeah, I'm definitely not sure where you're getting this. I'm a teacher and I see it everywhere.

 

[SenatorBinks27]

Of course there's still a lot of getting laid going on, but surveys by those such as Durex (easy to Google and choose your preferred trusted source) show that our (New Zealand's) promiscuity is significantly higher than the USA. Yes, I recognise that respondents to such surveys are voluntarily self selected so there are clearly sampling issues for true statistical purposes.

I'm not claiming that bigger numbers mean a better sex life, but I do think it's a reflection of general social attitudes towards sex.

Yet another reason why if I ever had to leave the US, NZ is where I would want to go.

And Abstinence-Only Education is a MAJOR problem in the US, as is generally prudish and hypocritical attitudes towards sex as a whole. We've come a long way, but we still have a very long way to go.